~Sunday, January 1, 2017

Ways I have Already Ruined this Baby's Life: Continued

For the first 28 weeks of pregnancy, I was the picture of health. Despite being high risk with my Advanced Maternal Age (eye roll) and complete lack of thyroid, I was having the most average pregnancy possible. It seemed like all of my friends were in scary, high-risk-in-that-they-were-life-threatening pregnancies that involved specialists, bed rest, and hospital stays, I was firmly in the camp of No News Is Good News.

Then I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes. The diagnosis was a complete shock to me. I didn't have any of the symptoms: rapid weight gain, swelling, etc. In my picture of health, I was second trimester and had only gained four pounds! FOUR POUNDS. I was eating no more than I was pre-pregnancy. Sure, type 2 diabetes runs rampantly in my father's side of the family--in that everyone has it--but it was going to skip me because I am normal.

GD is the most inconvenient of diagnoses. There's nothing truly wrong with you: your placenta just makes your pancreas a little sluggish. It's temporary. All you have to do is CHECK YOUR BLOOD SUGAR 4 TIMES A DAY AND FOLLOW THIS SUPER SIMPLE DIET THAT INCLUDES NO FUN AT ALL. Remember using pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever you want? Well not you, missy.

Long-story short: I rocked it. I followed the diet to a T and remained in my assigned blood sugar levels, which I would like to add are way below type 2 diabetes levels.

Me: Hey Dad, what does your fasting level have to be in the morning?

Dad: Anything under 130 is good for me. Why, what does yours have to be?

Me: (grumbles) 95.

Dad: What a conspiracy. I wouldn't even have diabetes if my fasting was 95.

I'm now including a list of food I haven't eaten in the last 80 days because of this bullshit diagnosis because it makes me so sad:

  • Hamburgers
  • French fries
  • Pizza
  • Milkshakes
  • Ice cream
  • Chinese food
  • Chips, any kind
  • Cupcakes, at any baby shower, including my own
  • Cookies
  • Rice
  • Cereal
  • Hot dogs, not that I've wanted to eat them, but I can't
  • Pasta, any kind
  • Fruit, FRUIT
  • Milk, MILK
  • Juice
  • Smoothies, any kind, including the gross vegetable kind
  • Tonic water
  • Gatorade
  • Muffins, including English
  • Bagels
  • Pastries, including doughnuts, which has made me cry more than once
  • Pumpkin coffee
  • Any holiday drink at Starbucks
I would just like to point out that this is in addition to the pregnancy diet, so no sushi or alcohol or deli meat, rare steaks, etc. This is basically the biggest pain in the ass, and I am really unhappy about it. What have I been eating? A lot (A LOT) of breaded chicken. Chicken wings, chicken fingers, chicken nuggets. Some potatoes. A little Chex Mix. I am single handedly keeping the Greek yogurt business alive in Georgia, spending about $20 a WEEK in yogurt. A lot of cheese sticks, which I don't even like. If I never eat another peanut butter cracker, it will be too soon. 

But my levels have been great and the baby isn't measuring giant-sized, which is the goal. The doctor complimented me last week, telling me that I've done really great this pregnancy, and it felt like winning an award, I was so proud of myself. 

A lot of people want alcohol brought into the hospital. I asked for champagne, a milkshake, a hamburger, and a box of doughnuts.